I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
