I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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