I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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