I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
