Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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