You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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