question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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