Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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