Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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