Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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