paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
