Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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