i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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