i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
