Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
