Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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