My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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