This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
