you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
