my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
