I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
