Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
