I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
