I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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