My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
