A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
