im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
