A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I understand Curling. That high.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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