I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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