oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
