He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
