that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
