apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
