I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
