mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
