her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
