3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
