ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
