yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
