I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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