Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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