I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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