Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
