And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
