i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
