We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
