she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
