apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
