Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
