3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
