At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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