Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
