I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
