Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
