Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
