i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
