some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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