Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
