So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
