I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't notice because vodka
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
